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“As For This House” Scripture Lesson: Colossians 3:12-17 "Marriage Enrichment Focus" Sermon Transcript for January 25, 2009 By Pastor Andy Kinsey
“As for me and my house…” - Joshua 24:15b The Message It is good to know there are places we can go to grow in our relationships! The workshops on Marriage Enrichment for couples and Relationship Enrichment for singles are wonderful opportunities to learn more about those principles that can help us in our faith journeys. I strongly encourage you to participate if you have not done so. I know Peggy and I enjoyed our time together as part of the last Marriage Enrichment workshop. We were pleasantly surprised to reconnect on matters pertaining to our family and marriage, especially since we have been in transition over the last six months. It never hurts to go back over the basics! It never hurts to say: “As for this house, we will practice the ingredients of a healthy marriage. As for this house, we will commit ourselves to the way of Christ in our relationships with one another.” For if there is one thing I believe is true across the board – regardless of whether you are married or single – it is that relationships require constant practice, and work, and effort; they require commitment and cooperation and communication – not to mention, as our passage from Colossians indicates, the qualities of compassion and kindness, humility and meekness, patience and forbearance, love and harmony, peace and unity, thankfulness and wisdom and praise! We need to take into account all those characteristics if we are to sustain our families, our marriages, our relationships! There are no magic bullets! There are no golden parachutes dropping out of the sky! As Peggy and I move into our twenty-fourth year of marriage, we can certainly share how we have been challenged and how we have grown. We can definitely pinpoint the-ups-and-the-downs and twists-and-turns of our relationship – the challenges of seminary and graduate school, the arrival of kids, the transitions and moves, the death of loved-ones, the ups and down of parish life, the fast-paced nature of our children’s lives, the importance of goals and priorities, and the significance of family time and devotion. We are by no means a picture of perfection, but we can speak to how our marriage takes practice. All the aspects and qualities of relationships I mentioned a moment ago come into play when keeping a marriage strong, not to mention the most important thing, and that’s our commitment to God through Jesus Christ. To stress this point, I am reminded of the cute cartoon I saw the other day with a woman folding her arms in disgust. The woman has an expression of superiority on her face, as she tells her husband that “a good husband needs to be strong, caring, and sensitive. And you have all but three of those qualities.” Then there is the classic story of the woman who hired a medium to bring back the spirit of her dead husband. When he appeared in a ghostly form, she asked, “Honey, is it really you? Is it really better up there?” And without hesitation, the husband answered, “Oh, yes, it is much better. But I am not up there!” Some of us are laughing to keep from crying! Covenant Relationship Nothing is more fulfilling, more satisfying than a relationship, than a marriage, grounded in trust and respect, in mutual support and love. And yet, we must also acknowledge that often our bonds can become binds. Our marriages do not always work out the way we intended. It is the case in Johnson County alone that in 2007 there were approximately 1,300 marriage licenses issued; in the same year there were approximately 1,100 divorces filed (Marriage Investors shared these statistics). Therefore, any time we speak of marriage-relationships, we must also speak of hurt and anguish, of brokenness and pain. Any time we speak of relationships we need to keep in mind how difficult relationships are! Relationships are anything but simple! For anytime you
bring two people together there is the potential
for disagreement and conflict. Anytime Think about it! Two persons from different backgrounds, different temperaments, different families, maybe different value systems, different religious outlooks, or no outlooks at all – come together to live under one roof. Two persons creating a whole new family! When I counsel with couples who plan to marry, we typically work through a book entitled As for Me and My House by Walt Wangerin, a Lutheran pastor. In that book, Wangerin punctures the myth that “My spouse is my better half.” Have you ever heard that? “Let me introduce you to my better-half!” That’s nonsense! True oneness, Wangerin says, true mutual support doesn’t come about with two “half-persons,” or with a person who thinks of him or herself as “less” than the other in the relationship. We are not “half-persons” chopped up into pieces, but whole persons who give to and receive from one another! Marriage is about cultivating a relationship of trust and care, a covenant of commitment between two whole persons [See Walt Wangerin, As for Me and My House (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publisher, 1990), p. 45.]. As the United Methodist Book of Worship states in the Greeting to the Service on Christian Marriage, “the covenant of marriage was established by God who created us male and female for each other.” Here is a relationship that, echoing the Book of Genesis, requires two persons – two whole persons – coming together, working together, pledging support to one another, committing themselves to one another for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. Here is a relationship that puts a great deal of emphasis on the virtues of trust and kindness, humility and patience, on compassion and meekness, on understanding Jesus as the example of sacrificial love. Here is a relationship that requires two persons who practice what we hear in our passage from Colossians this morning, a passage that goes to the heart of faithful and devoted living, a passage that Paul writes to remind the Colossians on how they are to love and engage one another. Commentary on Colossians Now, before going on, let me say that, as part of understanding the Scriptures, it is important to keep in mind that when Paul writes this letter and other letters he is writing to churches that are usually going through difficult times. Paul is not writing a treatise on marriage. Rather, he is addressing concerns in the life of the church. I share that bit of insight because, as I have shared in weddings over the years, I think I can safely say that Paul’s famous chapter on love in First Corinthians 13 and even the chapter before us in Colossians were not written to two young lovers gazing into each other’s eyes on their wedding day! They were not written to blushing brides and gushing grooms standing before the altar! No! Paul writes these letters in the heat of battle as he spells out what it means to live the Christian life! He writes these letters to address behavior that is not in keeping with Jesus’ own life and example – whether married or single! And so, when we hear these words in Colossians, I think it is important to remember the contrasts Paul states at the beginning of the chapter, when he says that we should leave behind our pagan ways and now live the new way (vv. 7-8), that we should take off the old self of sin and put on the new self of love (vv. 9-10). Those contrasts set up what Paul writes next, as he crams together a list of fourteen qualities and behaviors that Christians cannot get enough of: the qualities and behaviors of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, love, harmony, peace, unity, thankfulness, wisdom, and praise (3:12-17). And not only does Paul share this list, but also he speaks in terms of action. Note how active the Christian life is – clothing others with compassion, bearing with one another, putting on loving, forgiving each other, teaching and admonishing one another, singing and praising God. This is not a passive way of life! This is not watching from the sidelines letting others carry the water. No! It is something we do together as a community, as a church, as a family. It is something we live as a way of life, as a way of faithful participation and practice on our part! Examples I think it is very similar to athletic training. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to acquire a healthy body without taking time to practice, to work out, to walk, to run! Right!? It takes practice. It is similar to learning how to play a sport: How can I learn to play basketball if stand on the sideline? Coach Harmening, let me ask you: You have coached a number of young people over the years. Have you ever seen anyone make a basket by watching on the sidelines? You have to play the game! The same with relationships! The same with the Christian life! There is a great deal in common between living the virtuous life on the hand and training as an athlete on the other: both require repetition and hard work, and both are learned by following examples. Yet, if you really want to live a virtuous life, you have to practice it! If you really want to learn how to shoot hoops, you have put on the sneakers, get on the gym floor, and shoot the ball! Point: to live a life of forgiveness, a life of humility, a life of compassion, a life of peace and harmony and praise, you need to be in relationship with God, in a community of faith, where you have accountability and support, commitment and cooperation and communication, where you have a whole lot of patience, and where you learn what it means to love, indeed, where you that love covers a multitude of sins! For as Paul states here and else, without these virtues in place, without the practicing of them – in our marriages, in our churches, in our families, in our nation – we go off track! We miss the mark. There is no longer harmony, but disharmony! Now, if you think this is simply an academic exercise, I would simply invite you to read the paper or watch evening news to see what happens when we fail to practice these virtues over time! Or, as we shared last week in our Sunday school forum on race and healing, it really matters if you show compassion – or not! It really matters if you demonstrate kindness – or not! It really matters how you relate to others. It matters how you live. Reflections of Virtue I share that because I have always been concerned with how easy it is for us as Christians to forget that our calling is to practice these virtues; that our purpose is to shape people in virtuous living, to relate to others as “Little Christ’s,” as Martin Luther said. Or, if I may put it another way, it is so easy for us as Christians to forget where persons like a Bishop Tutu or a Mother Teresa come from! Does God fly over head and say to the angels, “Let’s see, who can we drop off over Calcutta? Do we have any women who can take care of the poor?!” “Yea, we have a woman by the name of Teresa!” “She’ll do!” Or, does God fly over South Africa and say, “Let’s see, who can challenge the idolatry of that system? Do we have a Bishop Tutu on board?” Do you follow? Where do these people come from but from the bosom of the church’s own life, from our own families – from our relationships in Sunday school, small groups, confirmation, youth groups, mission trips, classes?! Not up there, but down here! It’s what our Scripture this morning is really getting at: vibrant, vital, virtuous relationships – healthy marriages, families, and churches – do not fall out of the sky! They take practice, earthly practice – forgiving, caring, loving, and bearing with kind of practice! For if you believe relationships are made in heaven, I hope you also believe they require constant earthly care! For we all have blind spots, and we all have areas of speech and behavior that fall outside of God’s pleasure and outside of our awareness. In fact, we all have difficulty seeing that we have missed the mark and fallen short in our relationships. We all have difficulty confessing that we stand in the need of God’s forgiving grace – In our marriages, We have all difficulty admitting that our faith takes practice, and that the game we are now playing calls for a whole new beginning…a whole new beginning... Let the real games begin! I pray and hope you plan to play! Amen. Dismissal with Blessing And now, go forth, letting the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, the word and love of Christ dwell in you richly, giving thanks always to God the Father through him! Amen. E-mail Comments to: Pastor Andy Kinsey
Copyright Grace United Methodist Church.
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