“Difficult People”
Scripture Reading: Luke 6:27-38
Sermon Transcript for March 12, 2006
By Pastor Bob Coleman
It’s not a wise thing I’m going to do the second Sunday at a church to read the kind of Scripture that comes, but it comes in this study “Life with God” and I couldn’t avoid it nor can you. It deals with a difficult subject that’s called “Difficult People”. In fact, I wanted to bring this today to show you. It moved in on the first day in the office and wondered what I was going to do with it. And a brief story…This is called “Diamond Willow”. It’s found in Northern Minnesota and the northern regions. It naturally grows this way when you strip the bark off even to the point of having holes down here. I use to drink a lot of coffee with a guy named Wally Capone who is a very active Catholic in Hagerstown, Indiana. We would meet at Bob’s Restaurant; a good place to eat. Anything named Bob’s has to be good! We drank a lot of coffee together and became friends and when I left Hagerstown, he gave this to me as a gift, striping the bark and then polishing it and then giving it to me as a walking stick.
But I’m going to use it today as a symbol of what people believe you need to do with tough people, difficult, even enemies. You use it like this, like that or some other action. Whether you physically want to do this or not, your heart and your mind, if you think about difficult people, that’s a part of what we’d like to do to them, isn’t it? If you kind of get that little thought going in your mind, that person that just kind of nagged you. The Scripture today, Jesus is going to talk to us about the word “enemy”. But I want us to think about people who are difficult in our life. Enemy is someone like a terrorist that is over there, you know, it is bigger than what we are. It’s something we expect the military to take care of or maybe someone else to protect us. But I want us to bring it closer to home. In fact, I want you to come up with some adjectives and see how willing you are to identify them. If you have someone in your life who is difficult and you can define what that means, what are the adjectives that you would use to describe that person? Anybody – volunteers? Stubborn, pretentious, argumentative, impatient, authoritarian -- you can just keep going – manipulative, bossy. You know, people like that. And those are the people who really get us, aren’t they? They are the ones who make us think differently than maybe what we believe we should. But the Lord says this is what you do with them. You don’t physically hit them. At least you mentally and emotionally just ignore them or your own thoughts you may use this approach.
But Jesus tells us something different and that’s why I rated today’s sermon an “R”. It‘s really hard; it’s not easy. It’s one that we’ve come to ignore and we may well believe only it is for those who are truly enemies like in a world war situation or Iraq or the terrorist issues. But we’ve got to bring it closer to home because Jesus is telling us something to do--that we have difficult people in our lives and He want to tell us what we can do about it.
So, God prepared us for that. I want us to read the Scripture here this morning. This is a sermon, and the Scripture is a Scripture designed not to make you feel good, but to make you think and feel different. Let’s listen and follow along; you see it ahead of you. This is the New International Version. And hear Jesus’ words written down 2,000 years ago spoken to His disciples and spoken to us today. “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also; if someone takes your cloak, do not stop him but take him your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others that you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Now you may have noticed that you heard that last part related to the author here this morning. We’ll talk a little bit more about that later.
What I want you to hear first now is that understanding that those people who are difficult in your life and I hope that you will replace that word “enemy” with “difficult people” because I believe it changes the whole context and makes it more personal to us. The adjectives that you gave to me are one of those that helps me better understand that you know what I am talking about. Mitch Albom wrote a book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Someone paraphrased it and said a little bit sarcastically, “The five people you meet in heaven, three of them will be difficult to you.” It’s like the old story about the Baptists, and Methodists, and Christians and Catholics couldn’t get along until they all got to Heaven. And God had a plan where they were put together and they had a few years ahead of them to work out their issues—like eternity. We, even as Christians, will classify one another as Christians as our enemies or difficult people.
Now difficult people can be a very simple kind of irritant in your life. It’s like the short-order cook who was trying to do two jobs so he did them back to back. He finished one shift and he went down to another restaurant. He was trying to hurry up and finish his first shift at this restaurant and the couple out front kept ordering hash browns but they kept sending it back through the waiter saying they were cold, fix them again, make them hot! The cook fixed a fresh batch each time. He knew they were not cold; but they sent them back each time because they said they were cold. And it delayed him in finishing up his job, so he not only was irritated with their attitude but irritated with being late to his next job. Finally, he cleaned it up, went out down the street to his next restaurant. He walked in and immediately the server handed him an order and said this, “Make sure these hash browns are hot. This couple just came from the restaurant down the street and said they couldn’t fix them hot. Now you do it right.”
Now that’s an irritating person. But they can set your day off wrong for the rest of the time. It starts off now with this problem couple. To be a problem in a person’s life is that irritant and that’s what I believe Jesus is speaking to us about today. It’s like, and you haven’t asked me yet, but Stacey, by the way, did a beautiful job with the children’s story that fits perfectly with where I believe the message of the sermon and the message of the Scripture is going today. But this pastor starts off and he wants to be kind of fitting in with the new congregation just like you and he has the children’s story for the day. And he looks around and just like a church like this there are stained glass windows. And he said, “You know those stained glass windows,” to the children, “that’s like a community of faithful people. It takes many parts to go together. Each one, a different piece of colored glass, represents one of you. So each of you is a pane and you’re a pane and you’re a pane.” About the fourth “pane” he caught on and got red in the face and realized.
But difficult people are a measure part of literature. If you read, most of the time literature, in some way or another particularly if it deals with a model of sorts, will talk about the difficult situation in people’s lives. Anton Chekhov, I googled this on the Internet and it came up, just typed the words “difficult people” and came up with a short story by Anton Chekhov titled, Difficult People. And the setting goes like this. Now I’m going to use this as an example of a family situation that was more than difficult, nearly enemies in this setting. I want to show you how the young man tried to resolve it but was not successful. The story goes basically that this is in old Russia and the father is a very dominating, authoritarian type of a person. I mean he just controls everybody around him including his wife, and his three children. The oldest son now is ready to go off for more advanced studies in Moscow. But his son, and this is a very poor area, has very little money to go on but he knows he has to ask his father because his father has all the resources. He would have to go to the father to ask for those resources. And so he goes to his father around the table and says, “Father, I need money to go to Moscow to just have daily living wages. I’ll work and find a job and pay for the rest of school. And then his father retorted, “For one reason or another you are always asking for money. You don’t do anything around here.” Have you ever heard those kinds of things said? Have you ever said them? Have they ever been said to you? And he destroyed the heart of the young man till finally he, in anger, responded, “I don’t need your money”. And he walked out of town not knowing what he was going to do. But he walked and walked to the near local railroad depot hoping to be able to find some way to get a train to Moscow. But on the way, he changed his mind and decided someone needs to take care of his father telling him what is wrong and make him change. So he works it up in his mind as he walks back to the house, goes in and sits down with his father across the table and says the following. “Not a dinner or two passes without your making an uproar. Your bread sticks in our throat and nothing is more bitter or more humiliating than bread that sticks in ones throat. Though you are not my father, no one, God nor nature, has given the right to insult and humiliate us so horribly. To vent your ill humor on the weak, you have worn my mother out and made a slave of her. My sister is hopelessly crushed and so am I.” He said it and he realized as he got up from the table that it wasn’t going to change his father. He went in and laid down on his bed in the darkness of the night. He neither blamed his father nor pitied his mother but he was tormented by the stings of his own conscience and he realized that everyone in the house was experiencing the same ache that he was and God only knew which was the most and who was suffering the most. Now that’s the way that story basically ends. No real resolution to it. No sense of how can you bring reconciliation and healing to a painful, irritating, angry-filled situation. And that’s where Anton Chekhov leaves you on the edge.
Now Jesus gives you a response—love your enemies, pray for them. He thinks different than the world tells you to do. Hold them up and care for them and believe in them and hope what is best and right. And we struggle with that because we wonder if that really does make a difference. And now I’m going to tell a story about where it did make a difference. A very personal story, a true story. It happened actually before I came to Evansville and served at Methodist Temple. The man’s name is Harry Leveridge. He would give me permission to tell the story today because he told me himself. You see, Harry was born an orphan in Iowa. And he grew up in a rough time where he was passed from foster home to foster home and sometimes beaten, mistreated and abused. He decided, though, to make something of his life and so he worked hard. He went to school as far as he could, met a woman that he fell in love with, became married, had children, and worked hard at the jobs. He’d lose one and then get another and lose another and move on. Harry became educated though in the life of hard knocks. He also became bitter. He went and served in the Navy during WWII and in that time he learned how to curse like a sailor as they say. So he brought back not only a sour attitude but a language that matched it. And he used it frequently and proficiently. He became at one time at U of E on staff in maintenance. And then was hired by Methodist Temple because they were desperate. They needed somebody and at least he had some skills to be able to maintain and manage the church as well as to be able to take care and clean the things. And he was willing to work for the pay that they offered.
Well, Harry was still Harry and some people around began to complain because he would be irritating to them. He would just haul off and verbally abuse them. They would ask him to do something and he would come back with a sharp recounter. And he just was not a pleasant person. But a few people in that church decided to do something different with Harry. They began to pray for him; they began to treat him differently than he might expect; and they invited him to what what’s called a “tracedeas” weekend. He went to that and found out that people could love him in spite of who he was. And “yes” he accepted Christ as his savior. And “yes’ it made a difference in his life in this way, very simple. He now would control his language and he controlled his attitude. And within a few years as he still was so thrilled with being loved by these people, began to act differently with the church until finally he would take up his position in the fourth to the last row and that’s where he would greet people as they would come in. Harry Leveridge became the unofficial greeter for Methodist Temple.. Any one who came and sat within two or three rows of him, Harry would greet them, say hello to them. If they were a visitor he would get their name and he would say, “I look forward to seeing you next Sunday in church.” And when they came, he would remember their name. I can count for six individuals and families who purposely said, “We came to this church because of Harry Leveridge.”
This is Harry Leveridge, the old sailor who could curse you down. This is Harry Leveridge who had good reason because the part of the story I haven’t told you is that his oldest daughter was murdered and he hated that man. He hated the man who was found guilty and convicted, sent to jail. But he hated him none the less. It tore Harry up. That was the one thing he had to bridge and come across and Christ’s spirit had to touch him and make a difference so that eventually “yes” Harry went to that man and said, “I forgive you”. Now I don’t know if it made any difference for that man who was forgiven but I know it made all the difference for Harry because he let that go through the forgiving of the man who killed his daughter. He responded after a sermon that I gave one Sunday when I said, “You need to forgive and forget”. And he said, “I have forgiven but I cannot forget the event because if I forget that, I will forget my daughter. I know she was killed but I’ve forgiven the man who did that to her.” Harry’s now gone to be with the Lord and I was privileged and honored to have his service. But it wasn’t a service that I had to lead or make up because the church was filled. It was filled with people from the community who saw the difference in this man’s life in his latter life. He wasn’t too old to change for God could change him. Harry died in this life but he was born in the life to come. And it was done so because he forgave.
One of the toughest things to do when someone confronts you, when someone is difficult, is to forgive them. And “yes” Harry even prayed for this man. He also forgave others who had been difficult in his life. And so Harry then became, now, a wise old man. Physically he still looked old and haggard in one respect, but when you saw his eyes and saw his smile and received his handshake, you knew there was a new person inside of him. It’s a powerful understanding then that when we see the Scripture for today and we come to the part at the last which so often has been isolated for giving money. Remember what Dan read to you—“Give and it will be given unto you. A good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” And so often it is couched in, “If you give more money, God will bless you with more money.” And we forget what Jesus says just before that He says, “Do not judge for you will be judged. Do not condemn for you will be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give that forgiveness and it will be given to you. A good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
That changes the whole meaning. And it goes back to the very issue that what Jesus does for us is turns the table of the world upside down. And when we are taught by the world to respond with difficulty with enemies, we respond with anger and violence and destruction. Jesus says, “No, turn that other cheek. Pray for the one.” “Put your energies into prayer,” is what Eugene Peterson says. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person. Jesus says in Eugene Peterson’s words, “For you who are ready for the truth, I say this “Love your enemies. Let them, your enemies, your difficult people bring out the best in you not the worse.” That’s why today’s sermon is rated “R”, it’s really hard and it’s difficult. But Jesus calls us to focus on ourselves in our relationship with others. How we respond to our enemies tells about us more than it does about our enemies. Not that we should destroy them or get rid of these difficult people, but Jesus says we are to change our hearts and how we respond to those who are difficult people. Life with God means life different than the world—that we listen to God’s teachings, that we follow God’s purpose, and that we live in God’s spirit. That’s why it is hard. But it is also why, then, we are given the opportunity to ask for God to help us and the Holy Spirit to work in and through us.
I want to give you a model of a prayer. In fact, I’m going to give it to you literally, figuratively, physically. I’m going to walk through it right now. It’s based upon a very familiar Psalm. You’ll see it displayed on the screen. But when you leave today, and I don’t know if we got word to the ushers, but there is a stack out there, and we’ll see that you receive a copy of this that you can take with you. And I want you to practice it this week because if you take only the good thoughts from the sermon, if you take only the good attitude about it and say, “What a wonderful sermon, preacher”, but if you don’t take it to make a difference in your life, then it will have been of no avail. Won’t you walk through, and I’m going to use, with Dan’s permission, I’ll use his name just to know that it is not meant to be anything in particular, just a generic name at this point, to personalize it. And I re-wrote the 23rd Psalm so that it can be used as a prayer for the difficult people in your life. Will you take an attitude of prayer and follow along and listen as I share this. “Lord, I pray that Dan will let you be his shepherd, so that he shall not be in want. Lord, I pray you will make Dan lie down in green pastures, that you will lead him beside quiet waters. Lord, restore his soul. Guide him in paths of righteousness for your name’s sake. Even though Dan walks through the valley of the shadow of death, don’t let him fear evil, let him know you are with him; may he know the comfort of your rod and your staff. May you prepare a table before Dan in the presence of his enemies, anointing his head with oil; so that his cup overflows. Lord, I pray that goodness and love will follow Dan all the days of his life so that he will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
So now you see why I brought this in because we changed the meaning. And this is what God does all the time. Takes what the world says is the way to do it and gives a different meaning. The world says use this to beat your enemies and difficult people with but the Lord says use this as a rod and a staff of a shepherd to protect and carry others who are difficult to you. That’s why the 23rd Psalm, called the Shepherds Psalm, is so valuable in understanding what you need to do for those people who are difficult in your life to change your heart about them. To change your heart and to pray for them is to image the staff of the shepherd, not the staff of the world. But the staff that is there for protection and for love. I hope you will do so at the close as you leave today, those will be passed out to you. Also on the back is Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the same Scripture for the day. And I hope that at least one person this week, you will use that prayer and pray earnestly for heartfelt understanding for the best for that person so that it will change your life.
Let’s turn together for a word of prayer, “Lord, if we’re going to follow you, it is a beautiful way and a joyful way, but it is also counter to the world. We have been taught many lessons in what to do with difficult people, but you give us one lesson—that we are to go, pray for, and forgive so that our hearts will be changed. It is more important for us to examine what we view with difficult people than it is to examine the difficult people. It is our spirit that needs to be renewed. And we thank you for the witness of the quiet servant like Harry Leveridge who found forgiveness in his heart and found new life. Thank you, Lord, as we pray in the name of Christ, our Lord. Amen.”
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