"Standing Tall in the Fear of Rejection and Betrayal"
Sermon Transcript for July 27, 2003Scripture Reading: Acts 9:22-30
By Rev. Dan Sinkhorn
We’ve been working through fears all summer, and today we are going to talk about standing tall in the face of the fear of rejection and betrayal. I commented to Reverend Mike this morning that it is kind of ironic, when you think about it, that I would even get up here to talk about fear of rejection. It’s a very subtle joke but you might get it eventually. The fact is that the very process of stepping up in front of a group of people and sharing the thoughts of your heart is a risky business because of fear of rejection. And so this is one of those times that I’d like to say that there really ought to be a mirror sitting right on the front pew because this one’s for me too.
I’m going to begin with a story. The grilling lasted three hours. And finally satisfied that the Georgia-born infielder appeared to have the fortitude that it would take, the General Manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers, Branch Ricky, signed him to a $600 a month salary and $3500 bonus. It was 1947 and as Ricky expected, Jackie Robinson was about to experience far more than his share of rejection. When he set out to break the color barrier in the all-white domain of Major League Baseball that’s exactly what happened. During spring training, several times his teammates threatened not to play with him. They petitioned the club to get rid of him. And in May there came rumors that the St. Louis Cardinals would not play in their series with the Dodgers. And they didn’t. And as Jackie Robinson ran the bases, other players would try to spike him; and he received numerous threats to his life and his family. But in spite all of that, Jackie Robinson won Rookie of the Year that year and he led the Dodgers to the World Series. And over his ten-year career, Jackie Robinson had a batting average of .311 and he became the first black man ever admitted in to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.
Now I know that many of us have experienced feelings of rejection in our small little world. Can you imagine what it was like for Jackie Robinson to experience that kind of rejection under the scrutiny of the entire nation? We are going to hear a scripture story in just a moment about another person who was under the same kind of lonely scrutiny of Jackie Robinson. In the passage that I am going to read in just a moment, you are going to hear about a guy who was considered to be a terrorist. And for good reason because he had publicly acknowledged that he was responsible for the deaths of numerous Christians. And now he was claiming to be one of them! People thought that it had to be some kind of trick. But a fellow named Barnabas came along, kind of like Branch Ricky, and stuck his neck out on behalf of this former persecutor of the church now turned believer that we’re going to hear about. You can remain seated, but listen to God’s Word as I share with you from the Acts of the Apostles, Chapter 9, Versus 22-30.
“22But their suspicions
didn't slow Saul down for even a minute. His momentum was up now and he plowed
straight into the opposition, disarming the Damascus Jews and trying to show
them that this Jesus was the Messiah.
23After this had gone on quite a long time, some Jews conspired to
kill him, 24but Saul got wind of it. They were watching the city
gates around the clock so they could kill him. 25Then one night the
disciples engineered his escape by lowering him over the wall in a basket.
26Back in Jerusalem he tried to join the disciples, but they were
all afraid of him. They didn't trust him one bit. 27Then Barnabas
took him under his wing. He introduced him to the apostles and stood up for
him, told them how Saul had seen and spoken to the Master on the Damascus Road
and how in Damascus itself he had laid his life on the line with his bold
preaching in Jesus' name.
28After that he was accepted as one of them, going in and out of
Jerusalem with no questions asked, uninhibited as he preached in the Master's
name. 29But then he ran afoul of a group called Hellenists--he had
been engaged in a running argument with them--who plotted his murder. 30When
his friends learned of the plot, they got him out of town, took him to
Caesarea, and then shipped him off to Tarsus.”
Saul, who would later be known as Paul in the Acts of the Apostles, had truly been converted but his reputation preceded him and so people were afraid of him. They were looking at him like sailors looking at an oncoming airplane wondering if it was a kamikaze suicide bomber or a friend. And so they were extra cautious. Saul must have felt like he was between a rock and a hard place. I’m sure he felt every bit as lonely as Jackie Robinson did. I’m sure that he realized that he had little or no support from anyone at this point. After all, the Jews were now out to get him because he turned on them they thought. And the church was keeping him at arms length because they were afraid of him. And that’s when Barnabas played his important role. Seeing the hand of God at work in Saul’s life, Barnabas removed that barrier that separated him from the church. He allowed this person who would become a major league all star and christened him to play his role. And that’s something we can all be grateful for this day because I feel certain that we wouldn’t be here in this place if not for the work of the spirit of God through the apostle who would become known as Paul.
Today we are talking about fear and rejection. We’re talking about the fear of rejection and betrayal. And you know what that is—that’s being refused acceptance by people who ought to know better. You know, they say things like, “We don’t want you on our team,” when you know in your heart of hearts you could take them to the World Series. They say that they are afraid of you when you know in your heart of hearts that you’ve laid down your life and will do it again for the sake of the gospel. But everyone knows how that feels. You don’t have to be Jackie Robinson or Paul to know the fear of rejection because you’ve heard rejection yourself, haven’t you? You hear it in phrases like, “Well, your composition is just not what we’re looking for. Sorry, but we chose someone else for that job. I just don’t want to date you any more. Oh, we were hoping for someone a bit younger. Your degree is good but you lack the leadership skills. We thought the committee was big enough already. Your voice just doesn’t match what we’re after. The truth is, you’re just not the son or daughter that I was hoping for.”
We’ve heard these words in our life in one shape or form or another and they hurt. It’s strange and mysterious how mere words can have such a lingering effect on our lives and hurt for so long. But they do, and they make us cautious. They make us keep relationships distant. They take away our boldness. And that’s not always an incorrect response because after all, the people who hurt us the most usually don’t want to change because we want them too. The truth is whoever closes the door on you has to be the one who opens it again. You can’t do it for them. The reality of criticism and rejection and betrayal is that when we experience it, it may not have been deserved, but it is ours to deal with just the same. You can own it or not but I have found, and I do have a lot of experience with this. It has so much to do with how I arrived at where I am today. And I can tell you that I have found that you are wasting your time, you are hurting yourself, you are slowing yourself down if you think that you can devote all of your energy to changing the person that you think rejects you. There’s no point in doing that. You will not succeed to your satisfaction until you change the way you experience yourself.
Let me go back a little bit into our story because we’ll pick up where we left off. Back in Acts, Chapter 4, there was this guy named Joseph who became known as Barnabas. Barnabas was his nickname; it meant “Son of Encouragement”. Can you imagine being given a nickname like that? And it stuck because Joseph was known throughout the rest of the Bible as Barnabas, the Son of Encouragement. I apologize for saying this but I’ve been called the Son of a lot of things. But I want to be known as the Son of Encouragement. Now, that I can see as a good nickname that should stick. And the truth is we all need to be that kind of person and the world needs a whole lot of Barnabi, a whole lot of sons and daughters of encouragement. And we need to be bold in that; it needs to be a risk we are willing to take. What if somebody had said at the very beginning of baseball that Jackie Robinson’s should not be prevented from participating? I’ll tell you a truth that I have learned about many things in human existence, and that is that like all of creation, we tend to take the path of least resistance. Watch water on a rainy day, it takes the path of least resistance. When the wind blows it takes the path of least resistance. Walk through the woods on a summer day and look at the little highways and byways that the animals make. They take the path of least resistance. What separates human beings from the rest of creation is that we don’t have to! We can choose to do the hard thing. We can choose not to follow the path of least resistance.
And so what I want to say to you today is if you’ve experienced rejection and sorrow that is caused by the infliction from others of pain in the form of criticism, you can turn it around. Instead of taking the path of least resistance, you can go in a different direction. You can be a Barnabas first and foremost to yourself. You know, I really believe in talking to yourself. I do it all the time. It’s OK. (You sure you should of said that? Yeah, yeah it will be all right.) Because we already do it don’t we? We talk to ourselves. You look in the mirror in the morning and what do you say? You’ve forgotten haven’t you? Do you know why you have forgotten? Because you have become so accustomed to the sound of that voice of criticism that you don’t recognize it any more. But if you listen carefully, it’s still there saying, “You’re fat. You’re not as beautiful; you’re not as handsome as you use to be. You don’t have as much hair on top of your head as you use to have. You are a loser.” You know the sound of that voice but you have taken the path of least resistance and that is why it has become so powerful. And so the frightening, scary thing that you are going to have to do is be a Barnabas to yourself. To look in the mirror today and say, “You know what, you are alright. You deserve a second chance today. Oh, sure you messed up, but people do. Carry on. Sure you are not as slender as you use to be, but you carry it well.” You know, it’s okay to encourage yourself. It’s okay to say the things you need to hear. And then go out and share those gifts with others.
The best way to face down rejection is to reject rejection! Look around the church, look around your home, your neighborhood, your workplace, look for those people around you who have felt downtrodden and rejected. Look for the least among you and give to them the gift of Barnabas-type encouragement. Be a son or daughter of encouragement for that person that needs it the very most. And you know who they are and you know how they feel. And I’ll tell you a little secret, it cures what ails you. There’s something we pastors have learned because it was sort of forced upon us. When you decide to become a pastor, one of the things you know that you are going to do, as a response to your calling, is to visit people. To visit people that you might not have visited otherwise. And I want you to know, friends, you are missing out on something good if you’ve never done that. Because what happens to me every time I go with the intention of blessing another person is I come away more blessed. It’s a fact! And what I have found is that I like myself better after having done so. And the truth is if I can say encouraging things to you in your time of need, it becomes familiar language to me and it’s a whole lot easier to say it to myself when I need it. Why shouldn’t I?
I’ve done so many weddings this summer I’ve forgotten how many—seven or so, 7, 8, 9 something like that. Every one of the weddings I tell the young couple the same thing. And I believe this with all my heart and I have the privilege of practicing it daily in my marriage. I believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to surrender all of your needs to that other person completely and to live yourself entirely to meeting their needs. And, of course, the formula works beautifully if they are doing the same thing. You don’t have to worry about getting your needs met because that person is totally devoted to meeting your needs. And if you look that is the very way that our Lord Jesus lived His life and taught us to live ours. Complete surrender! Sacrificing yourself for the sake of others and in the subtlest of ways to meet them where they are rather than demanding that they come to where you are.
Part of the reason that Reverend Mike and I have been urging you to memorize Scripture over these last few weeks of this series is because we want you to be able to plant in your mind some of the thoughts from the mind of God so that you can rehearse them and use them when you need a word of encouragement that you can trust because it is from the voice of God Himself. And so I am going to take just a minute in the middle of this to stop and look at our memory versus again. We’re going to start with the first one that you learned, Psalm 27:1. Would you read this out loud with me now? And I’m not going to quiz you or anything, but do practice and commit these to memory. “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear. The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom should I be afraid.” Now let’s look at the next one we learned from Matthew, Chapter 6, Verse 33. Read with me. ”But seek first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” And now here’s today’s verse that I want you to learn. And the language is a little bit out of date so feel free, ladies, to adapt it to yourself. But let’s read this one out loud as well. “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” And that’s Proverbs 12:25.
Commit these versus to memory and use them to mend yourself and be a source of healing for others. What if you wake up tomorrow morning and you walk in to your bathroom and look in the mirror and instead…and take your bulletin with you because you probably have as much trouble memorizing as I do… and what if you stood in there in the bathroom and look in the mirror and held up your bulletin and said, “Self, an anxious heart weighs you down. Self, a kind heart cheers you up.” And then say some kind words to yourself. How would that be? And how would it set the tone for the remainder of your day? Where would you go? Who would you see? I want to ask you right now to call to mind any of the people in your circle of relationships no matter how loose who need a word of encouragement this week, even today. And as you need to, as you feel the urge you write it down even now in the middle of the sermon. I don’t mind. Write their name down and commit yourself to be a Barnabas, a son or daughter of encouragement to them. And see how that helps you and them! It raises the bar for us all doesn’t it?
Now I’m not going to say a whole lot more about that because I want to save time to visit one more idea. I’m thinking about how it must have been up in heaven just before Jesus came to earth. I wonder what Jesus thought it would be like because the reality is that when He came He certainly didn’t receive the kind of accolades that He deserved. In fact John reports in his introduction to his gospel that He came unto His own and they received Him not. He was rejected by His very own. Jesus was loving and gracious and kind. He gave freely of His marvelous gifts to the whole world. And for the most part people were hesitant to respond to the way that He wanted them to be blessed. Some were actually afraid of Him. But Jesus did not respond with bitterness. He did not look inwardly and realize that He was being taken advantage of. Oh, he did occasionally lash out at those hard-hearted religious leaders but even at the hour of his death when he knew they had conspired to kill Him, his words for them were “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.”
The other part of our sermon title today is about betrayal. And Jesus understood betrayal very well. And it’s an even deeper hurt than the fear of rejection. And yet Jesus’ response to that was so amazing because he forgave, because he returned in glory and forgot the betrayal! He even encouraged those who had denied him, promised that they would become everything that they were capable of. And they did! People like Jackie Robinson are going to live on in memory for a little while, at least here in this country where we like baseball. Other parts of the world have never heard of him. But you know that all around the world, people are hearing in their own language, in the language of their hearts, the message of Jesus Christ. And they are learning about this guy named Barnabas and how he encouraged even the least among them. And they will remember the son of encouragement for generations just as they already have. And I believe that you will experience the same memorial throughout the years after you are gone if you can dedicate yourself to being a son or daughter of encouragement. And when they are trying to decide whether your life was worthwhile it will be a no-brainer. You won’t have a problem answering the question, “I don’t know why but whenever I was around her I felt better. I don’t know why but whenever he came in to the room it just lit up.”
Jesus, of course, will tower above all else because He is the Son of God who sacrificed Himself to come and be among us as one of us. He allowed Himself to be put to death for our sake and He arose from the dead proving His amazing, divine nature. He ascended into Heaven with the hope of coming again and He promises He will come again. And He did that for people He didn’t know in the same way He knew His apostles. He did that for people who would betray Him, who would live out their lives in sin and turn to Him at their last hour. He did it with the ultimate grace.
Reverend Mike and I live by a little phrase that we kind of pieced together over the last few years here. Mike taught me this concept and I have embraced it and made it my own. And now it’s a part of the way we minister together; and that is, “Always error on the side of grace”. When in doubt, error on the side of grace for that is what Jesus has done for us. And that is exactly what we need to do for others. Go out and be a Barnabas, a son or daughter of encouragement. Give someone the benefit of the doubt today, throughout the week.
E-mail Comments to: Reverend Dan Sinkhorn