"From Criticism to Love"
Sermon Transcript for February 23, 2003Scripture Reading: Numbers 12; I Corinthians 13
By Rev. Mike Beck
Today is the fourth message in a 5-part sermon series entitled, “Lord, Change My Attitude…Before It’s Too Late!” Let’s do a little review. In week one, we contrasted the wilderness attitude of complaining with the attitude we are to “put on” of thankfulness. In that first message we especially talked about not complaining about our adversities. We all have them; those things in our life that we wish we didn’t have to struggle with but yet they are there for all of us in different forms. We talked about when we complain about our adversities we forfeit God’s grace and what God wants to teach us through the diversity. In week two, we looked at the negative attitude of rebellion and its positive counterpart, submission. We asked the question, “Are you easy to lead or hard to lead? Do you major in the minors or do you see the big picture?” And then last week we looked at the attitude of always craving more as opposed to an attitude of contentment. And because of the low attendance last week, I wanted to take a moment to review some key points of last week’s message. I’ll do that but I may be preaching to the people that were here last week.
We pointed out that our desires in and of themselves are not necessarily wrong. It’s when our desires become cravings to where we just have to have these things and we go about getting them in ways that are especially harmful to us in spiritual realm. We talked last week about what we crave is often better…looks better than what it really is. We just think we’ve got to have this thing, and then when we get it, it doesn’t satisfy as we had hoped. We talked about the fact that the heart of our cravings will often be found a rejection of God’s sufficiency. Our cravings are saying to God, “Well, God, what you gave me isn’t good enough.” We asked this question, “Do you spend more time thinking about people to impact or things to get?” That’s a good question. And we asked the question, “Have our desires led to cravings and attitude of the world and materialism that hinders our relationship with God? I asked you to memorize this equation from I Timothy 6:6, “Godliness + Contentment = Great Gain.” We looked at this verse in Psalm 62:10, “Though my riches increase”, the psalmist said, “let me not set my heart on them.” We talked about settling on a lifestyle that brings honor to God so that as our income goes up, our impact on the kingdom of God can also go up. Then we concluded by reminding ourselves we are to be content with what we have, but we are never to be content as who we are as individuals or as the church.
So we are looking in this five-week period at our attitudes. Our patterns of thinking formed over a long period of time that determine whether in this life we dwell in the bleakness of the wilderness or in the joy of Promised Land living that God has provided to us. Today we want to look at the wilderness attitude of criticism. Anybody here struggle at times with a critical attitude? Most of us do, don’t we? Oh, I’m glad to see my wife hold up her hand back there. She’s my best critic, and seriously I appreciate that. We get tired, we get stressed, and we get frustrated. Or where I often find criticism coming from is we feel passionate about something, something that is good and it’s so easy for us to fall into a critical spirit. Complaining and criticism are similar but the object is different. In complaining we’re talking about circumstances. In criticism we’re directing it toward people.
Here’s a definition of criticism: “To dwell on the perceived faults of another person with no view to their good.” Now let’s kind of break that down. To dwell on the perceived faults—in other words, we see certain things we think are wrong but the question always to ask is, “Do I have all of the information? Do I have accurate information?” And at times we’ll discover the fault may actually be with us not the other person. But we perceive the things that are wrong; we dwell upon them. If God has given you an analytical personality you’re going to have to watch out in this area. There’s nothing wrong with an analytical personality, but that kind of person, if they are not careful, because they constantly evaluate things, can let that lead over into a critical spirit. Criticism is to dwell on those things. And then, finally, in the definition it says, “With no view to their good”. Friends, there is a place for constructive criticism. In fact, I’m indebted to numerous persons who because of their love for me have come in to the office and pointed out some things that I was not aware of; some blind spots that helped my ministry improve and become stronger because they cared enough to bring those things to my attention. What we are talking about this morning in the way of criticism is the person who shakes your hand at the door on Sunday morning, to use the church analogy, smiles at you and then over the lunch conversation proceeds to tear you to bits. That’s criticism because there is no view to helping the other person.
We’ve been reading stories in the Book of Numbers to illustrate these attitudes. Today we look at Numbers, Chapter 12. It says, “Moses had married a Cushite woman, and Miriam and Aaron criticized him for it. They said, “Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” The Lord heard what they said.” And skipping down to Verse 9, “The Lord was angry with them; and so as he departed and the cloud left the tent, Miriam’s skin was suddenly covered with a dreaded disease and turned as white as snow. When Aaron looked at her and saw that she was covered with the disease, he said to Moses,” and notice how his phraseology changes, “Please, sir, do not make us suffer this punishment for our foolish sin. Don’t let her become like something born dead with half its flesh eaten away.” So Moses cried out to the Lord, “O, God, heal her!”
Okay, we’re small in number today so let’s have some talk back. Who are Miriam and Aaron in relation to Moses? Somebody tell me. Yeah, the attitude we are looking at today, Miriam and Aaron have been his right hand man and woman. They are his brother and sister. If you look at the Hebrew text it gives the inclination that Aaron has kind of come along for the ride. Miriam is the one that is doing the talking here. And if you go back, Miriam is a very godly, righteous woman which reminds us that none of us, no matter how close we walk to God, are above falling into an attitude of criticism.
We have to imply something here. It says that Moses had married a Cushite woman. But if you know the earlier accounts, Moses’ wife was named Zipporah. So we have to assume that Zipporah may have died. Moses has chosen another wife and big sis doesn’t approve of the choice! But here me carefully now, the new wife is not the real issue. That’s what she comes complaining to Moses about, but the real issue, if you look at the text, is Moses’ prominence among the people. She’s become rather envious and jealous of Moses! She says, “Does God only speak through Moses?” In other words, she’s saying, “What about me?”
Learn this important truth today which is true in most cases of criticism. The thing the person mentions first is usually a “surface” issue. It’s not the real underlying issue! And we see in this passage that criticism is a sin. Let’s look at the reason why.
Criticism breaks our fellowship with God and with others: God didn’t make us to live like this. Now, criticism won’t keep you out of heaven, but criticism like these other attitudes we’re looking at today, will cause you in this life to live in the wilderness. And if I can go out on a limb, those Christians with a constant, critical spirit, will probably have to take a remediation class before they go to their mansion in heaven so that their neighbors down the street don’t have to put up with them. In fact, have you noticed that positive people don’t like to be around critical people? Other critical people like to be around critical people. But in general, positive people don’t like to be around them. It breaks fellowship with God and with others.
Criticism often reflects unresolved “heart issues” that need to be surrendered to God: I want you to think about two or three really critical people that you know. Bring them to mind. Now when I say “unresolved heart issues” you’ve got these people in mind, are these issues present in their life—unforgiveness, or bitterness, or envy, or jealousy, or personal failure, or some great disappointment in their life? God wants to bring healing to those issues but more often than not the critical person will try to relieve their pain instead of dealing with their own issue to find fault with someone else.
Criticism is sin because ultimately it is self-exalting: Now, I’m not going to spend a lot of time here, but to me, as I listened to the messages that I’ve been using and sharing with you, this probably spoke to me more than anything else. Criticism is sin because ultimately it is self-exalting. I’m right; you’re wrong. I’m better than you are. And if you think about Jesus in His ministry, who was it that He struggled with the most? The religious leaders who had that kind of attitude. Oswald Chambers, the great devotional writer, in one of his books said, “Beware of anything that puts you in the place of the superior person.” Complaining can be self-exalting.
Criticism is sin because of the pain it can inflict on the other person: Countless persons, countless pastors have had their self-confidence shaken or their passion ripped out from under them because of the criticism of others. Pastors do know something about the subject today. I try never to think about it but how would you like the job that makes you the topic of conversation at almost every dinner table following your Sunday morning of labor. Abraham Lincoln wrote this and this quote is underneath the glass on my desk. It was given to me by Blaine Wiseman in my previous church. Blaine was one of the most powerful men in southern Indiana. He must have seen some leadership ability in me because he was such an encouraging individual. And Blaine in his own life knew plenty of criticism. So he gave me this quote which I have stuck under my desk. It’s a quote of Abraham Lincoln who said, “If I tried to read or much less answer all of the criticisms and attacks on me, this office would be closed for all other business!” Lincoln said, “I do the best I know how – the best I can, and I will continue to do so until the very end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out all wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”
And all of you face criticism. All of us like to be liked. I’m not saying this morning we should totally disregard the opinions of others. In fact, Dan and I have often talked. One week we’ll get criticized for being too theologically conservative, and two weeks later we’ll get criticized for being too theologically liberal. And we console ourselves with the fact that if we are hearing both we probably are finding a middle ground we hope to find. In fact I came to the conclusion several years ago that if there were no complainers in my church, if everybody was happy with what was going on, there was probably one person I could guarantee was not happy and that’s the one person to whom I am called to be faithful, and that is God. For ultimately, as a pastor you are accountable to Him.
Criticism is a sin because of the damage it does to the Kingdom of God: How many persons are there out there who might have been won to the Kingdom of God but who will never darken the door of Christ’s’ church because of critical comments they have heard from church members which causes them to say if that’s the way church is, count me out. Or sometimes the very truthful statement, they’ll say, “I can find more grace at the local bar than I can at most churches.” Criticism can damage the kingdom of God.
Let me make two brief comments and then we’re going to move on to the attitude we need to “put on” which is love. When criticized, number one, I’ve learned, don’t get defensive. It never helps. All of you will be criticized at one time or another. Don’t get defensive. Secondly, when criticized, find the kernel of truth within the criticism that can be helpful to you. Now here I’m talking about the criticisms that are totally unjustified but yet there still will be a kernel of truth. And if I’ll listen non-defensively can make me a better person acknowledging that sometimes the criticism can be totally justified. And I need to say, “I was wrong. That’s a blind spot. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.”
And make note of this important truth, most of you hearing my voice are not critical people. I mean let’s face it, this morning I’m talking to the really committed. If you aren’t among the really committed you wouldn’t be here with the weather being like it is outside today. We talked earlier; this criticism came from Miriam and Aaron, Moses’ brother and sister. For most of you and hopefully for me, most of our criticism in inadvertent and careless. Guard your speech! That’s why the person said God gave us two ears and one mouth because he intended us to listen twice as much as we talk. Or how many of your mothers gave you this good advice that my mother gave me, “If you can’t say anything good about somebody, don’t say it.” How many did your mother give you that advice? And how much better this world would be if we followed it! Genuinely try to see things from the other person’s point of view. The old proverb, “Walk a mile in another person’s moccasins before you sit in judgment” is so very true. Remember the words of Jesus who said when they caught the woman in adultery, He said, “Okay, whoever is without sin, you cast the first stone.” Remember also Jesus’ reminder, he said, “Mike, you’d better get the boulder out of your own eye before you worry about the speck in your brother’s eye.” And then, friends, when in frustration or tiredness, or when you are dealing with an issue about with you are really passionate and you’ve fallen prey to a critical spirit, make amends. Say, “I’m sorry”. Pick up the telephone and call to apologize. Send a note. Don’t let the careless word of criticism that you wish you hadn’t said break fellowship with God’s people.
So in the place of an attitude of criticism, we need to “put on” an attitude of love. Obviously, this is a subject that we talk about a lot in the church. We know we are supposed to love others because God is love. But I wonder how often we get any further than just scratching the surface to explore what Biblical “agape” love means—this attitude that is at the heart of the Gospel. And I don’t have time to go in to detail this morning so I am going to simply give you some food for thought and some questions to ponder in this attitude of love. Here’s the first statement I want you to reflect on throughout this week: True “agape” love is a choice we make not a feeling we experience. The feeling we experience, the words for that in the New Testament are filial and Eros. They are the emotional, gushy kind of stuff. The feel-good stuff. And there is nothing wrong with that. But when the Bible speaks of the kind of love that we are called, it uses the word “agape” and, friends, agape love is a choice we make not a feeling we experience. I also want to say this: Biblical love cannot be divorced from truth and reality. Reflect on these two quotes of Dr. James McDonald. He says, “Truth without love is brutality.” In other words what I am saying may be exactly right, it may be totally truthful, but if not combined with love, it’s brutality. It’s what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, “You can have faith to move mountains, but if you don’t have love, you’re nothing.” But then the corresponding thing is true, “Love without truth is hypocrisy.” And there is a segment of our society which wants us to buy in to the attitude, “There is no such thing as divine truth, everything is relative.” Then why did Jesus come to this world? Love without truth become hypocrisy.
Let me ask you this question, “When you’ve had a difficult week, isn’t it more often than not that it’s been due with some difficult people you’ve had to deal with. But we must remember the words of Jesus on this matter who said, “So you loved those that love you back, big deal. Anybody can do that. I’m calling you to love the person that doesn’t love you back. To love the person that mistreats you.” As I’ve said in a recent sermon series, the difficult people in your life, and we all have them to deal with, give us an opportunity to grow in the fruit of the spirit which is love. And I know some of you are thinking, “Yeah, but why does God have to give me so many of them to deal with?” So we’re going to close our time together today looking at the defining phrases about love that are found in 1 Corinthians 13. Here’s what I want you to do with these phrases. It’s okay to look at the screen, but I want you to do it in a prayerful attitude. With each of these phrases I want you to do this, give yourself a grade. How am I doing with this phrase, C-, B+, A+, F? And then I want you to take it one step further. I want for God, the Holy Spirit to bring to your mind a person or persons that you need His help to live out what Paul is talking about. Let’s go:
Love is patient (who is it that’s hard to be patient with)
Love is kind
Love does not envy or boast (I was thinking of my conversations with people on that one. They tell you some accomplishment, then what do many of us do? We’ve got to play one upmanship and tell them about ours.)
Love is not proud or rude or self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered. (Note the adjective, easily; I’m trying to get you people to realize Christians sometimes get angry—not easily angered.)
Love keeps no record of wrongs. (I don’t imagine there’s too many ‘A’s on that one. Most of us have a tendency to echo the words “I’m sorry” but then we lock the words up in our mind to be used as a trump card when we need to.)
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trusts. (Don’t throw your mind away on that one. But like when Peter said to Jesus, “How many times am I suppose to forgive, Jesus said you just keep forgiving.”)
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres.
Is somebody injuring you today? Is someone standing against you in some way? Is there a person constantly criticizing you? Then lay your hand this morning by God’s grace on the most powerful weapon in the world to deal with that….LOVE.
You want to get out of the wilderness? Practice forgiveness. Replace bitterness and a critical spirit with love. And know the joy of living in the Promised Land. It’s been good to worship with you today and let’s ask for a little better weather next week. But let’s stand for the closing prayer that’s there in your bulletin. Make this the prayer of your heart as you join with me.
Lord replace a complaining attitude with a thankful attitude,
Replace a rebellious attitude with a submissive attitude.
Replace a covetous attitude with an attitude of contentment.
Replace a critical attitude with an attitude of love.
Replace a doubting attitude with an attitude of faith.
Change my attitude…before it’s too late!
E-mail Comments to: Reverend Dan Sinkhorn
Copyright Grace United Methodist Church.
E-Mail: AdministratorCopyright Grace United Methodist Church.
E-Mail: Administrator