"God's Family Plan"
Sermon Transcript for February 27, 2000
(5th Commandment: Sermon Series on the Ten Commandments)
By Rev. Mike Beck
Scripture Reading: Exodus 20:1-12
Today we’ve reached the half way point in our sermon series on the Ten Commandments. And as we come to this point, I want you to notice something. The first four commandments: to make God the center of our life; to not allow anything, including good religious things, to become an idol or a graven image in our life; to honor the Sabbath day; and to not misuse the name of the Lord our God in vain. Those first four commandments are vertical in nature dealing primarily with our relationship with God. As we move now to the final six commandments, these commandments are more horizontal in nature dealing with our relationship and God’s design for that relationship with other persons around us.
Today we focus on the Fifth Commandment: to honor our Father and Mother. How many children do we have here still living at home with Mom and Dad? Let me have you raise your hand. Now, you need to listen carefully this morning because this commandment is, first of all, for you. As we’ve been doing with each command, let’s look at it first as it appears in its Old Testament background. This command was given in a world where children were seen in much different light than they are today. Those of you who have read through the Old Testament know on many occasions when a man’s property was listed, it talked about how many cattle they owned, how many sheep they owned, and then how many sons they had. Children were looked at as property. In the world of the Old Testament, a father’s word was literally the law. To illustrate that there is a bizarre story found in Judges 11 of a general by the name of Jepthah who won a great military victory for the people of Israel and then makes a foolish promise to God saying, "Lord, I will sacrifice to you for this great military victory you have given us the very first thing I see when I get home." And what happens as he’s coming up the road to his home? His daughter runs out to greet him and in a world much different than ours, Jepthah keeps his vow to God. Children in the Old Testament were property. It was not, my friends, the age of the child. Parents literally held the power of life or death over their children and to respect and to hold parents in the highest regard in the Old Testament was not an option.
We make a major step forward in our understanding of scripture. Those of you who have taken Disciple Bible Study or shared last year in the Grand Sweep, were helped in this regard to realize that in the pages of the Old Testament, a world very different than our own, God in a very elementary way is slowly revealing truths and principles to a fallen world. But once those principles have been laid out, God in the fullness of time sheds new light upon them in the coming of His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus elevates the place of children in the home to a new level. Let me illustrate this. In Luke 17:2...Madison, can I ask you to come up here with me? Because if you stand up here beside me, we can see His truth much more clearly than if I just read it. To realize how much Christ elevates the place of children above their place in the Old Testament, Jesus in one of his sternest words says, "If anyone causes one of these little ones to stumble, it would be better for that person if they had a millstone placed around their neck and to be cast into the sea." Jesus welcomed little ones. The disciples said to Jesus, "You don’t have time for them." To which Jesus replied, "Unless you as an adult become like a little child, you won’t enter into the kingdom." (Thank you, honey, you can go back to Mom and Dad now.)
And then this Fifth Commandment has a restatement in the book of Ephesians. Turn to Ephesians, Chapter Six, Verses 1-4 to look at this Fifth Command now from a New Testament perspective. And I think you will discover that now the commandment not only says something to children, but it also says something to their parents. Ephesians, Chapter Six, Verses 1-4: "Children obey your parents..."(but notice the next three words)..."in the Lord. For this is right. Honor your Father and Mother, which is the First Command with a promise that it may go well with you. And that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Again the New Testament is written in a day of male dominance so let me paraphrase Verse 4. "Fathers and Mothers do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Let me speak a word to, first of all children and youth that are present. Within each of your lives are wonderful God-given possibilities. The Bible is clear to tell us that our nature is to be selfish and to be self-seeking. And that nature needs to be transformed by the discipline of loving parents, godly parents, and by the power of God so that we become the person God intended for us to be. So Ryan, since I picked on your sister, you don’t have to come up here I just have a question for you. Do you like it when Mom and Dad lay down rules for you? No. If you had said "yes" we would have gone out and had a little talk about truthfulness. I don’t think any child at least at the surface level would acknowledge enjoying having regulations placed upon them. However, if you can get much deeper than that and talk with children in a very honest way who do not have guidelines and discipline and regulation how lost they feel without those. But Ryan, even though you may not like them, if you are going to become all the person God wants you to be, your Dad and Mom have a God-given responsibility to set some boundaries and provide some discipline for you.
A 16-year old girl could not understand why her parents laid down an 11:30 p.m. curfew for her. She said, "But Daddy, I’m no longer a child". To which Dad replied, "I know that all too well. That’s why you have an 11:30 p.m. curfew." Children, when parents set down guidelines for you, your honoring them helps you learn something you need for your entire life. I want you to look around. How many of you adults are still under someone’s authority. Raise your hand. Most of us live and work under someone’s authority and as Christians we are ultimately under the authority of God. So children, when your parents set down guidelines they help you learn an important skill. And to use the words of scripture, "So that it may go well with you."
Now let me turn and talk to parents. This matter of parental authority has some God-given guidelines to go with it. The New Testament restatement of the Fifth Command is not a blank check to parents. The passage we read from Ephesians began by saying, "Children, obey your parents"...(with this clause)..."in the Lord". The title of today’s message is "God’s Plan for the Family". In very simple terms, this is it.
1. That both Dad and Mom are linked to Jesus Christ and are in submission to His authority. That’s where it begins.
2. That they then give discipline and guidance and spiritual direction to their children, not out of their own human resources, but again with the leading of the Holy Spirit in their lives.
3. That children honor that direction that comes not only from Dad and Mom but which ultimately comes from God and in doing so they honor both God and their parents.
How do we live out this plan? Let me answer that by sharing some common ways in which God’s plan is violated. Parents violate God’s plan when their attitude toward parenting is pretty much to let the kids do whatever they want to do. And where that really saddens me is when the child is in the 7th grade and they now have the choice as to whether they come to church. How many of you grew up like me? You didn’t have any choice in terms of coming to church, Sunday School, and youth group? And we may not have liked it! But I think most of you are glad we had parents that laid down that guidance.
Too many kids today don’t know the meaning of the word "no". Too many children growing up today don’t know the meaning of the word "wait". They want something and we say how quick can I run out to Wal-Mart to get it? Parents, if you still have children at home, one of the most important lessons you have to teach to your children is the lesson of delayed gratification. Too many children are being taught nothing of the truths in the Bible. Too many children are operating as if life is a constant entertainment. To the children who are here I want to teach you an important truth if you haven’t yet learned it. A lot of life is boring. You can’t constantly be entertained.
We violate God’s plan when there is not a mutual sharing of both husband and wife in the business of parenting. You know what I believe is one of the greatest problems facing America today? The abdication of their God-given responsibilities as fathers. And having said that, we have to recognize, the church must recognize 40% or more of the children today in America are growing up in single parent homes. And in most of those cases the parent raising the children wishes that were not the case. And we as a church must do everything we can to support them. But fathers, you are so critically important; and where both Mom and Dad are still at home, it’s so important that they share the responsibilities of discipline in an agreed upon way.
And then, finally, we break God’s family plan...(Ryan, you’ll like this)...when parents overdo it in terms of discipline. The instruction in Ephesians paraphrased in the Phillip’s Translation puts it this way: "Fathers, Mothers, don’t over-correct your children and make it difficult for them to obey this command." Those of you who still have children at home, there are times in which the right answer is, "Do it because I said so." There is a place for that. But a limited place. There are many other times when that response is not appropriate, especially if you are raising a strong-willed child. If I made one mistake more than any other as a parent it was too often saying to the boys, "No, you can’t do this." And the basis for that decision was what was convenient for me. I remember one time so vividly and I was so disappointed at the end because Aaron for the first time in his life flat out lied to me. But he asked me four or five times, "Dad can I go out with the band after this contest?" I didn’t listen to how important that was to him. Out of convenience I said no. And, yeah, he should have obeyed me; but I backed him into a corner because I didn’t take time to listen. Parents there is a time to say, "Yes, because I told you so." But use that sparingly. To paraphrase Dr. James Dobson’s thought, our primary task as parents is to "shape the will without breaking the spirit." And when we over-discipline, we risk an even greater tragedy of we may have a compliant child for a while but we may break that spirit in the process.
Allow me this sidelight as we draw to a close. The commands to honor and obey overlap in the scripture. Those of you who are adults, does this command to obey your parents still apply? Let me answer that this way. Our children are always our children. As my boys get older we’re learning that all to well. But our responsibilities as parents in many ways apply only to their formative years. When our children are grown, the relationship must naturally change. At that point, like the mother eagle, we in a sense "push them from the nest" for them to now go it on their own. We give guidance when asked for; but the responsibility at that point must become theirs. Honor...yes. But the command to obey naturally changes as our children get older. And also let us be reminded, the last I checked honor is something that is "earned" by one’s actions not automatically granted.
John Ruskin said "the history of the world is not the record of its great wars, but the history of its households." He went on to say that, "No nation will ultimately rise higher than the level of what is taking place within the home." I’ll let you reflect for yourself the condition of our society today. But for those of you parents with children still at home, the most important task to which God calls you at this point in your life is to nurture your children.
Children and youth, how is it in your home? Are you showing the honor and respect and the submission to authority the Bible requires? If you are, it will ultimately help you become the person God wants you to be. And Mom and Dad, God’s family plan begins with your relationship with Christ. Is your life deserving of the honor to which God calls your children to have for you?
Let’s pray: "Oh, Lord we acknowledge that we live in a day in which in so many places this Fifth Command is violently disregarded. For those of us as parents, oh Lord, help us in this awesome responsibility to be rooted and grounded in you, to have the guidance with the Holy Spirit that our lives would be disturbing if the Honor you ask our children to have for us. And help our children, in a day Lord where the world teaches anything but respect, to learn that if they learn to love godly parents that they honor you as well and learn a valuable lesson. Help us in this regard, oh God, in Christ’s name we pray. Amen."
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